the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
