Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
