i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
