look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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