Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
