there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
