I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize