"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
