I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It's not a walk of shame if you run
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
