she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is wine microwaveable?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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