I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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