i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
