I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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