omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
