i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
