So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
