I'm so fucking centered right now
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
