so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.