i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
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I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
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I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies