I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco