our cab driver is having phone sex.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
