it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
