I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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