I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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