Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
