I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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