I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
