im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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