Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
