How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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