Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
