So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
