we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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