from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
