I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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