my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
