this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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