I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
