Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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