Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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