you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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