Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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