Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
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you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
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I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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