I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
