What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
