i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
