I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
