I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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