alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
