remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
