you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
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Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
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I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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