it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
