but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
