thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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