I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
