what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
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Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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