my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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