and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
