Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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