he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
