Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME