You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
