My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"