Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
