i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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