Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
