who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
