he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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