omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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