don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
