i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We left the knife in your bed.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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