The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
