Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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