guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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