I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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