Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
