Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
