i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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