My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
