Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
