This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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