That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
