Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
