Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
