Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
